Top Ten Reasons to Commission this Appalachian Artist
10. Hire me and that’s one less whitetail deer I have to paint on a vinyl tire-cover.
9. Your clip art disc impresses no one. No one at all.
8. You will never have to listen to me say “My art is a kinetic mockery of bourgeois values, a swirling compilation of dimorphic enigma and dynamic realism.”
7. Are you really going to let your cousin’s brother-in-law mess with it? Remember last time?
6. Tired of getting blindsided with sanctimonious political tirades when dealing with “creatives”? My artistic philosophy is “Red and Blue make Green.”
5. Willing to travel…Lord, yes.
4. There’s only so many times I can airbrush “Maw-Maw” onto a decorative license plate at the flea-market.
3. After we’ve done business, I won’t refer to our exchange in a snarky way and imply that trade is somehow beneath me. I touch filthy lucre all the time and I am not ashamed.
2. Doing caricatures next to the funnel cake tent just isn’t cutting it anymore.
1. When you do business with me, a percentage of your fee is put toward my “Tools of the Trade” competition for high school students who wish to seriously pursue a career as a visual artist. Not one dime of my pay is ever given to “Save the Northern Pacific Tree Octopus” or any of it’s many appendage charities.
The preceding post is mostly parody. I have not actually dealt in airbrushed accessories, vinyl tire covers or “Bubby & Sissy at the Fair” cartoons in over two decades. I admit to experimenting with wizard murals on creeper vans in the 80’s, but I did not inhale. I am serious about numbers 1, 3 and 6, however, so you Cephalopod-Huggers can just stop ringing my doorbell.
Those of you who would like to learn more about the suffering of the endangered can learn more at this site. Cut and past, boys and girls!
©Kathy Ferrell and “Big Cup O’Blog” (blog about Cup O Swank Studio), 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kathy Ferrell and Big Cup O’Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.